Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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