She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
