Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize