Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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