she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
