you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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