you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
