You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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