I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
