Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
