I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize