Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
