I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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