My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dear god my vagina.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
