I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Even my vagina gasped.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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