Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
