At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
