i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
