everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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