I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
