i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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