Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
