My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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