I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
