All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
