then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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