so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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