and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The best revenge is premature balding
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
