That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
