I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
