I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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