No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize