i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
