I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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