dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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