Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
