I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
