I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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