you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
