it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
