that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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