And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
