Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
