Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
