I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
