I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
