kristin has been a bad kristin
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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