i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize