Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
