Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
