did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
