sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
