She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
