He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
