talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize