i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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