I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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