Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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