fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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