i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
