my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
