I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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