I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
