He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
