I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
