It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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