What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
