This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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