im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
