i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
