Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
