I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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