last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
