Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
