Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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