he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have already put on my inside pants.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
