drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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