you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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