yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
