I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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