I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
