I looked at my own cervix.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
